The holiday season brings families together around tables, traditions, and conversations. It can also bring difficult discussions about politics, current events, and often immigration. The topic has been at the center of much debate both between and within political parties. But at Global Refuge, we believe the hardest conversations can be the most fruitful.
Talking about refugee and other immigrant rights has the potential to be lifesaving. That’s why we’ve put together a holiday conversation guide to help our supporters prepare for these difficult dinner table conversations.
The goal isn’t to “win” an argument. It’s to foster trust, encourage curiosity, and create space for meaningful dialogue rooted in dignity, empathy, and facts.
Why These Conversations Matter
Conversations with people you care about can be some of the most meaningful and challenging forms of advocacy. Thoughtful discussions help build understanding, reduce polarization, and strengthen support for refugees, asylum seekers, and other immigrants.
Many of us are tempted to avoid difficult topics altogether, but respectful conversations can help family members better understand each other. When people feel heard, they’re more likely to remain open to new information and perspectives.
Before You Start: Clarify Your Goal
Before sitting down for a conversation about immigration, ask yourself:
- Are you trying to understand their perspective?
- Are you hoping to share your own experiences?
- Are you trying to change their mind, or are you simply opening the door to future conversations?
Approaching a conversation with realistic expectations can help keep it productive and preserve important relationships. If this is your first conversation on the topic, focus on mutual understanding rather than persuasion. Changes in opinion often happen gradually when people feel respected, not defensive.
Start With Shared Values
Shared values create common ground and reduce tension. Your personal reasons for supporting refugees and other immigrants may not resonate the same way with your audience. Instead, begin with values you both hold, such as:
- Family
- Fairness
- Safety
- Opportunity
- Compassion
- Hard work
- Community
For example, a conversation about refugee resettlement might begin with a shared belief that families deserve safety and the chance to rebuild their lives. A discussion about immigration reform might start with a common desire for fairness and orderly systems.
Remember: Most Americans Have an Immigration Story
When discussing immigration, it can be helpful to remember that many American families have their own immigration history.
Some arrived generations ago. Others arrived recently. While every story is unique, acknowledging these shared experiences can create connection and remind us that immigration is part of the broader American story.
Instead of framing conversations as “immigrants versus Americans,” emphasize that we are one community made up of families who arrived at different times and in different ways.
Avoid Assumptions
It is easy to assume that someone who disagrees with you is uninformed, unkind, or acting in bad faith. In reality, most people’s views are shaped by a combination of:
- Personal experiences
- Family history
- Media exposure
- Religious beliefs
- Community norms
- Economic concerns
Respecting another person’s humanity creates space for genuine dialogue.
Listen First, Then Respond
One of the most powerful tools in any conversation is active listening.
Create a safe space for family members to express their thoughts without interruption. Ask questions that demonstrate curiosity:
- “Can you tell me more about how you see this?”
- “What experiences shaped your perspective?”
- “What concerns you most about immigration?”
Use open, welcoming body language, including:
- Eye contact
- Uncrossed arms
- Facing the person you’re speaking with.
After listening, summarize what you heard:
- “What I’m hearing is…”
- “It sounds like you’re concerned about…”
- “If I understand correctly, you’re saying…”
Affirming understanding does not mean agreeing. It simply demonstrates respect and helps people feel heard.
Use Human Stories, Not Just Statistics
Research consistently shows that personal stories can be more persuasive than data alone because they humanize complex issues.
Consider sharing:
- Your own experiences
- Stories from your community
- Encounters that shaped your perspective
- Examples of refugee or immigrant families who have contributed to your neighborhood, school, workplace, or faith community
When appropriate, connect these stories to values your family already shares.
(Note: If sharing another person’s story, always prioritize their privacy, dignity, and consent.)
Know the Facts
Accurate information helps prevent misinformation from spreading. If you’re discussing immigration policies, refugee resettlement, asylum, border procedures, or legal immigration pathways, make sure you’re relying on trusted sources.
It’s okay not to have all the answers. In fact, credibility often increases when you’re willing to say:
- “I’m not sure.”
- “I need to look that up.”
- “That’s a good question.”
- “Let me learn more about that.”
Humility builds trust.
For reliable information, consult resources from organizations such as Global Refuge, including policy explainers, refugee and immigrant stories, advocacy resources, and fact-based educational materials.
- Explore the Global Refuge blog for stories of immigrants, refugees and current policies which impact them.
Share Your Perspective Without Triggering Defensiveness
The way we communicate matters just as much as what we communicate.
When offering a different viewpoint, avoid language that may sound dismissive or confrontational.
Instead of saying:
“But that’s not true.”
Try:
“I also think…”
“The way I see it…”
“From my experience…”
“What I’ve learned is…”
These phrases keep the conversation collaborative rather than adversarial.
When the Conversation Gets Heated
Even the most thoughtful conversations can become emotional.
If tensions rise:
- Pause.
- Take a breath.
- Acknowledge emotions.
- Avoid personal attacks.
- Suggest revisiting the conversation later.
Remember: your relationship is more important than winning a debate. Protect your emotional well-being and your physical and psychological safety.
Sometimes the healthiest choice is to step away and return to the topic another day.
Focus on Connection, Not Conversion
Meaningful conversations rarely end with someone completely changing their mind.
Instead, success may look like:
- Greater understanding
- Increased empathy
- Better questions
- Reduced tension
- A willingness to keep talking
By approaching discussions about immigration with curiosity, compassion, and patience, families can create space for deeper understanding, even when disagreements remain. The strongest conversations are often the ones that remind us that, despite our differences, we all care about the people gathered around the table.
Frequently Asked Questions About Discussing Immigration With Family
How do I talk to family members who strongly disagree with me about immigration?
Start with shared values such as family, safety, fairness, or opportunity. Listen first, ask questions, avoid assumptions, and focus on understanding rather than winning an argument.
What should I do if someone shares misinformation about immigration?
Stay calm and avoid responding defensively. Ask questions, share reliable information when appropriate, and be willing to say, “I’m not sure, let’s look that up together.”
Is it okay to end a conversation about immigration?
Yes. If a discussion becomes heated or unproductive, it is healthy to pause, step away, and revisit the topic later. Preserving relationships and personal well-being is more important than winning a debate.
What’s the most effective way to discuss immigration during family gatherings?
Focus on shared values, listen actively, use personal stories alongside facts, avoid personal attacks, and approach the conversation with curiosity and respect rather than the goal of persuading someone immediately.
