The holidays are upon us, bringing good food, great cheer…and the occasional awkward conversation around the family dinner table. Gathering with family and friends we haven’t seen for a while is one of the season’s blessings, but it can also surface difficult conversations and differences of opinion—particularly as the United States finds itself growing ever more ideologically divided.
Over 70% of American adults say they hope to avoid discussing politics over the holidays, and 2 in 5 adults are avoiding family members they disagree with on hot-button issues like immigration. The topic has been at the center of much debate both between and within political parties. But at Global Refuge, we believe the hardest conversations can be the most fruitful.
Talking about refugee and other immigrant rights has the potential to be lifesaving. That’s why we’ve put together a holiday conversation guide to help our supporters prepare for these difficult dinner table conversations.
1. Actively Listen
To effectively understand where our friends or family are coming from, we must commit ourselves to truly hearing what they have to say. This requires us to listen not with the purpose of responding but with the purpose of understanding.
The following actions can help you to practice active listening:
- Paraphrase. To be sure you received the speaker’s intended meaning, try summarizing what you just heard.
- Ask open-ended questions. Questions allow us to both learn from those we’re speaking with and demonstrate our interest in their perspective. As long as we ask questions born out of curiosity and not intended to create “Gotcha!” moments, we push the conversation forward.
- Be mindful of body language. Sometimes, your body can say it all. Try leaning forward, maintaining eye contact, and keeping your body open with your arms uncrossed.
2. Listen for Common Ground
Odds are that you share something in common: your morals, your values, or even just your history. Start from a place of acknowledging what you share, which may help you understand how they’ve reached the conclusion you disagree with—and vice versa. By establishing common ground, you are also opening the possibility that they can follow the path from the values you share to your conclusion.
3. Ground Your Statements in Stories
Facts can be disputed, as can expert opinions and data, but personal experiences belong to the one sharing them. We should represent our opinions as uniquely our own, positioning them as personal truths rather than facts. Sharing stories and the emotions tied to them reminds the listener of our humanity and asks them to join us in a moment of vulnerability.
4. Accept When You Should Leave It
If you find things getting heated to the point that the conversation is no longer productive, it’s best to just set it aside for the moment. Thank them for the conversation but be firm in your decision to end it.
5. Do Your Research
We encourage you to use the resources below to learn about laws affecting immigrants, familiarize yourself with their experiences, and get up-to-date information about the issues. This will allow you to address misconceptions and speak with greater confidence.
Resources for Having Difficult Conversations About Immigration
- Explore the Global Refuge blog for stories of immigrants, refugees and current policies which impact them.
- Visit our Stories Hub to hear directly from refugees and immigrants.
